We all know that couple on social media: They barrage us with #tbts of their last vacation and over-fawning anniversary posts, and they love reminding followers that they’re #couplegoals personified.Interestingly enough, some research suggests that the opposite may be true: Our online posting habits are directly tied to what social scientists call “relationship visibility” ― the extent to which we make our relationships part of our public personas. Having very high “relationship visibility” and over-posting about a partner may be a mask for relationship insecurity, according to a study recently published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.The researchers hypothesized that attachment styles ― how we emotionally bond and attach to others in our adult lives ― underlie relationship visibility and our desire to post. (Read more about attachment theory and the types of attachment styles here.)The researchers posited that people with avoidant attachment styles, who tend to withdraw from their partners, would show low desire for relationship visibility, and those with anxious attachment styles, who need more reassurance about their relationship, would report a high desire for visibility. (There’s a third attachment style ― secure attachment ― but the researchers were unable to find an association between that type and posting habits.) After recruiting 108 college couples to keep a daily diary about their relationship for two weeks, the researchers’ findings supported the hypothesis.“On a daily basis, when people felt more insecure about their partner’s feelings, they tended to make their relationships visible,” the researchers wrote. “These studies highlight the role of relationships in how people portray themselves to others.”Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist in San Diego, California, who’s unaffiliated with the study, told us she often sees this dynamic play out in her office.“Avoidant attached people tend to disengage and withdraw from their partners while anxiously attached people are almost always seeking reassurance about their relationship, even on social media,” Chappell Marsh said. “Oftentimes, they’re looking for positive attention in the absence of getting the reassurance from their partner.”Jennifer Chappell Marsh, marriage and family therapist in San DiegoChappell Marsh used the example of a dinner date to illustrate the difference: An avoidant partner may be content with a quiet, intimate dinner, but their anxiously attached partner may be too busy Snapchatting everything to enjoy it. The impulse to document may be even stronger if the avoidant partner is standoffish throughout the night.
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